Fedora Aside...

And I present to you, Father Of The Year (Orange County Edition).

(applause)

We'd like to thank Mr. Kevin Federline for ensuring his children ride in cars that don't swerve in front of oncoming traffic against a red light, are cared for by a parent who does not randomly strip off her shirt and let her dogs shit on designer gowns, and do not have cosmetic dental procedures conducted upon them as a result of their fat, drugged-out mother's inability to serve them anything but Diet Coke.

Mr. Federline has shown the world that he is committed to his family, including all nine of his babies and respective baby-momma's. We thank him for his committment.

We also thank him for being the better half of the imploded Federline-Spears marriage.

Please enjoy the champagne, and a special thanks to ComfortInn of Calabasas for hosting this event!