Medical Clinic for Aesthetically Challenged Imbeciles
Patient Report, Doctor's Log
Patient Name: Matt Dallas
Occupation: Star of Kyle XY and subject of related Photoshopped ads for said show erasing his bellybutton
Ailment: Ingestion of excessive amounts of greasy and/or oily substances (ie. shortening, vegetable oil, brake fluid, KY Jelly/Astrolube) resulting in significant douchey appearance in both wardrobe and hairstyle
Additional Medical Observations: Consumption of previously mentioned substances obviously altered the state of Mr. Dallas' cognizance, observed through the fact that his current hairstyle distinctly resembles Liza Minnelli on one of her "off days." And also, he must be high on something to rock such a poorly executed attempt of the "porn 'stache." And in conclusion, his tie looks like the tablecloth from the last time I ate at Jamie's 1950's Bar & Grille. If he was wearing a poodle skirt, he may have been my waiter.
Dictated 11/29/07.
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