Someone Hand This Girl Some Prozac

I am, but probably should be embarassed to admit, keenly aware of the goings-on of Lindsay Lohan's life. In fact, I drove with my laptop to the parking lot of the nearest coffee shop to read the drama of her DUI arrest because our stupid ass neighbors who we steal internet from had their router off. I think she really committed herself to recovery (although if I had her dough, I'd check into Promises to kick my wine habit too) and is back on the right path.

So, really.. the question must be asked: Why has she become the Webster's definition of Melancholy?

All the dark clothes, all the sober expressions (no pun intended)... what's up with this girl who is now healthy, has a moderately cute new beau, looks better than she has in awhile and is free of her addictions?

Oooh! Call on me! Call on me! I know the answer!

HER FAMILY IS F*CKING NUTS.

I'm a little unclear why her parents spend so much time making press releases about Lindsay's health, or Lindsay's career, or Lindsay's really annoying hangnail, etc. The fame granted by Lindsay's success has made them a couple of vile media whores.

They should really just shut up.

One of your daughters is a former (?) cocaine addict and alcoholic and your other daughter is a very vulnerable preteen already in the limelight. You should be holed up in the deep, dark crevaces of your family dynamic fixing things with a metaphoric screwdriver.

Okay, thanks Dina and Michael Lohan! Tell Lindsay her hair looks better red!

TOODLES!